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By Raul Cabral
Inspiration to preserve the pleasant ambience of the milongas
has encouraged me to write these few lines. I need not refer to the pleasant physical benefits the practice of tango brings
to our health, as this is currently being done by innumerable medical studies. But I do wish to stress, although not exhaustively,
the importance of the mental benefit – the emotional benefit we derive from the milongas.
For most of us, preoccupied after long days of work, going
to a milonga affords us respite, a place where life’s tribulations may disappear or at the very minimum seem to dissipate.
Here, of course, is where we communicate, where we find an established setting to express ourselves socially. Our suffering
set aside, it is here we are able to calm our spirit. Our dance breathes optimism into our lives and when charged with this
positive energy, many find it easier to confront life’s battles.
Therefore, in order to participate in the true spirit of
the milonga, first, we all need to commit to that which is a mutual obligation, to conserve and whenever possible, add to
its festive spirit. All of us should contribute, taking necessary care to assure this continues. Our appropriate behaviors
at the milongas will help make this happen.
Tango possesses so many positive qualities, yet sometimes wrong conduct sabotages
the possibility of these positive qualities coming together. I invite you to reflect upon one behavior in particular, even
if you do not share in this commentary.
In general tango classes are given privately or before the
start of the proper milonga referenced above. One reprehensible behavior is teaching anyone to dance after the start of or
during the time of the milonga. Those who do should understand their actions are nothing more than a mere attempt to teach.
All of us who are professional dancers, teachers, maestros, etc., absolutely all, know that in a few minutes it is impossible
to teach or to learn. I repeat, it is merely an attempt and those who attempt this are fully aware of whom the victims of
their arrogance and inferiority complex may be. The usual victim is the novice or inexperienced dancer at the milongas, eager
to learn and enter into our marvelous world or, better yet, the occasional dancer, most likely a beginner, who has spent little
time on the dance floor, who will acquiesce silently in order to avoid facing major troubles.
At first the intention would appear noble and generous, but
this hides the true and unpleasant expression manifested by this behavior which is to assert oneself or make oneself appear
to be an expert within the dance. A second intention of he who attempts to teach or make corrections during the dance is to
imprint an indelible message upon his partner that she lacks skill, is clumsy or is not capable. He does this by correcting
or reproaching errors during the dance, typical of all dance couples at one time or another, as if exclusive to his current
partner. Even if his partner feels magnificent within the dance and does not concur, he will criticize her trying to prove
her lack of knowledge, even to the point of becoming rude and unpleasant. Of course, then, the partner becomes angry. As incredible
as this may sound, this clearly describes the behaviors of these “personalities”. What these “personalities”
don’t realize is that the person on the receiving end of their so-called recommendations actually feels disgraced, their
momentary or casual error publicly displayed, so that all can see.
Lacking in attributes, what these know-it-alls really need
know is that chatter pertaining to their attitudes circulates, regarding them highly unfavorably because they demonstrate
nothing but negativity towards others. They are actually milestones away from their purpose of trying to prove their expertise.
While dancing, if a mistake occurs, even if the mistake is
not yours, expressing an apology makes you the better man. Every woman will be eternally grateful, as this raises her self-esteem
and her confidence in her partner, the result having an immediate consequence, a better tango. If for some reason, that is
not the case, always; the milonga offers the possibility of another partner with which to share a marvelous few minutes of
tango.
In my role as a maestro, oftentimes my partners request or
invite me to advise or warn them of that which I would consider an eventual correction of their dance, even sometimes wanting
me to judge or quantify their dancing skills right then and there at the end. Not even at that moment, having their consent
to do so, do I espouse any opinion. I refuse to do so, the reason being my understanding of the implications of my professional
title.
You do not teach or make corrections to anyone’s dance
at the milongas, as this is reserved for private settings. My stated position on this issue is shared for the most part by
all maestros and instructors, therefore; I ask, why should anyone accept that dancers, possessing no authority by training,
pretend to teach at the milongas? You do not teach or correct anyone in the milongas; the private setting is reserved for
this. Furthermore and foremost to this condition, to truly teach, one must always first rely upon the other person accepting
you do so.
Anyone who possesses increased knowledge can transmit that knowledge anywhere,
except in the milongas, where doing so only serves to cloak one’s arrogance and lack of pride. No one ought to desire,
arousing in others, such negative sentiments.
We should go to the milongas to share in the party and have fun rejoicing
together, not to teach. Preserve the atmosphere of the milongas, so that it continues to be a welcoming place, an inexhaustible
fountain that provides us only pleasure.
The milongas belong to everyone, let’s take care of them.
Thanking you for the opportunity to serve you.
Raul Cabral
Raul Cabral Essay (response to this blog posted on Clay Nelson's website)
I have a true story
(only one of many actually) which exemplifies just
how negative the behavior Raul describes in his essay can be, which I am going to tell because I would like to know two things; are my horror stories worse than anyone else’s and… Mom, when can I stop feeling like I have
to be so polite all the time, no matter what happens? This occurrence happened just this week at one of our local milongas.
A relatively slow night at the milonga I am asked to dance by a man, a first time visitor to our community, we do not know one another.
We dance a Pugliese tanda, music is great, the gentleman, a kind, sensitive,
musical dancer, the tanda, very, very nice considering his level as a dancer.
We chat, dance, and at the end of the tanda he generously expresses to me how wonderful of a time he has just had. I give him a big thank you and a smile. Tanda over, we break,
he leads me to my seat, I sit down and so happens, he stands immediately next to me watching the dance floor.
Unbeknownst to him and me at the time, standing directly next to him is a member of our tango
community whose desire to teach is so strong that
at just about every milonga he is doing so, on the floor, off the floor, outside the door, in the hall, etc. I, still
sitting, am
also watching the dance floor and all of a sudden I hear these words
right next to me, “Do you mind if I tell you something about
your dancing?”.
I cringe, as I now realize
what is about to happen. The “lesson” starts and he proceeds to “teach”
the visitor everything
he did wrong (supposedly)
in the tanda, the embrace, position for the follower, etc., etc., etc., it went on what seemed an eternity. I am absolutely shrinking in my chair from embarrassment, when all of a sudden the “teacher” pulls me up from my chair to use me as his demonstration
partner for this “lesson”. I was so shocked and mortified at his insensitivity and his arrogance, so much
so, that I couldn’t say a word, all I could do was immediately sit down again. Minutes go by, the excruciating “lesson” is
finally over and the visitor,
almost immediately, crosses the entire milonga floor to the farthest corner of the room. After
that, the “teacher”, who must have seen the disgust in
my eyes, asks me this, “Did
I do the wrong thing by doing that?”. I honestly could not speak at that point
and couldn’t answer him, something that has bothered me since.
First of all, one could assume, perhaps incorrectly, that for the most part,
this negative behavior is primarily bestowed upon followers. But,
in this instance, this man’s victim was another man. Now, just so you gentlemen out there who may be reading this, have an understanding
of what happened, try
to imagine this, put yourselves in this situation. You
are in a new community (are from a much smaller town) at a local milonga and don’t really know anyone. You have just danced with a partner
and for whatever reason, she made you feel great. You are pumped,
happy, feeling really good about yourself and your dancing (we have all been there at one time or another, regardless of one’s level). She sits down and you stand immediately next to her and all of a sudden, a
“teacher”, in what would appear a friendly manner,
begins to critique everything you were (supposedly)
doing wrong during the tanda, IN DIRECT
EARSHOT OF THE LADY YOU HAVE JUST DANCED WITH (um,
you remember the tanda, the tanda you
enjoyed, that left you feeling happy and excited and maybe wanting to dance more until about a second ago)! Not only that, but the “teacher” then proceeds
to use this same lady (suggesting
she concurs with his analysis of your dancing), BRINGING HER FACE TO FACE TO YOU, to
demonstrate and to make absolutely sure
you FULLY understand the depth of your shortcomings as a leader right smack in front of her. OK, guys out there, this really happened, so tell me, how would you react to something
like this?
Personally, I consider this to be one of the worst horror stories I have ever experienced in regard to this subject. Even though it was not immediately directed at me,
for me it was worse than if it were. The
“teacher’s” behavior narcissistic, with everyone else within earshot, recognizing
it to be bullying,
humiliating, unnecessary and unsolicited, and, in my opinion, completely
insulting to our tango community, sending the message that we do not know
how to treat visiting dancers when I know that not the case at all.
I wonder, is this
the worst story or are there others out there, because I think this is about the worst I have ever experienced? And here is where I ask myself (and my mother… maybe she sent Raul’s essay to
me at such an opportune time), why, didn’t I react differently? Why didn’t I let this “teacher”
know how disrespectful I considered his actions,
both to this leader, a visitor to our community, and to me, immediately? I realize
I always feel that if I bring attention to negative actions by others, by responding negatively then I am doing nothing more than creating
a feeding frenzy for more
of the same, something I abhor, especially at milongas, but now I must ask, when is enough, enough?
Thank you Raul and Clay.
Dianne (from Miami)
I can persoanlly confirm this true story becasue I was there! I
was actually the male "victim" mentioned in this blog. I'll never forget the experience and Dianne has told the story very
well. What a jerk this guy was. He was not a teacher, nor even a very good dancer and before I crossed the room I whispered
to him "What you just did was extremely rude!"
This was not my first visit to this milonga but it was the first time I met and danced with
Dianne and have had the opportunity to do so again at another Miami milonga and we shared a good laugh about this experience.
I am in total agreement that teaching is meant for classes and dancing is meant for the milongas! Milonga hosts should
also take the lead and confront anybody that is behaving in this way if they are made aware of it.
I actually stumbled upon this posting while surfing a tango website out of Portland,
Oregon; www.claysdancestudio.com and upon reading it I realized that the story sounded very familiar to me......................small world!
Chuck Hand
Click here to see my blog reply posted on Clay's site on 9/16/08 or read it below.
Yes, It was I that was the victim in Dianne's blog, although she was also
one herself that night. Let me first say that I am a big fan of Raul's articles about tango and totally agree with Dianne's
account of the incident. I'll never forget it. There is so much more to this story and I would like to share my side of it
now in this forum. There are also a few interesting twists!
A little history about my tango background. I caught the
bug almost three years ago at a New Years Eve ballroom social when a professional couple did a showcase dance on the Argentine
Tango. I had never even heard of it before as I was fairly new to dancing in general, but when the strange music started to
play and the attractive couple started dancing I was completely mesmerized and said to my friends "I want to learn that!"
Tango was almost non-existent in my part of the state which made it very difficult to learn and dance, with no resident teachers
or milongas in the immediate area.
I was determined to learn it somehow. I attended an introductory workshop that was
provided locally a few months later, but there was still no real option to continue learning tango. I was refered to a DVD
series that was very good and tried some self-training which was better than nothing, then I stumbled upon a small milonga
that had just started (maybe 5-6 couples, all beginners). It wasn't enough though and I started a campaign to somehow bring
more tango into our local community. I could go on and on about this, but within the past three years I have recruited teachers,
started an email networking venture that evolved into a tango website, started monthly milongas, become the local milonga
DJ, devoted all my dance training attention to tango and now my focus is on building the "regional" tango community along
with helping the entire Florida tango network through the power of the internet. I have a traveling job that allows me to
visit tango venues all over the state and have made a network of great tango friends! My dance shoes are always in the car
just in case.
In general one of the biggest attractions to tango has been the people. Just about everywhere I go I
have met the warmest, friendliest and passionate group of people and have always felt welcomed. This was not the case in the
ballroom community and one reason that I have almost given the other dances altogether, although my girlfriend won't let that
happen!
Recently, a tanguera from Italy visited our area and I consulted with her in regards to building tango communites
because of her successes with doing so in a rural part of Italy. She directed me to Clay's website and to an article about
the subject which I forwarded to some close tango friends of mine that are also trying to build our community here. One of
them sent me an email reply about a milonga "horror story" that I should read in Clay's forum section. I found Dianne's article,
read over it briefly and thought to myself......Oh, that sounds like what happened to me a couple of months ago. It wasn't
until I re-read it carefully and noticed that the author was Dianne (with two n's) from Miami and then I realized that the
story was actually about ME!
The funny thing that night was that when I first danced with Dianne I did not know it
was her.....we had never met. We had actually exchanged some emails over the past year about Raul Cabral becasue she is a
tango organizer in the Miami area and saw my website articles authored by Raul and invited me to attend his workshops when
he came to south Florida last year, but I could not attend at the time, so we never actually did meet. It wasn't until a couple
of weeks later that I saw a youtube video of the milonga venue that she had previously attended and it had mini-interviews
with guests and Dianne's close friend and work partner was named in the video. I then put two and two together and realized
that the tanda that I had enjoyed that night was with her and we didn't even realize that we had somewhat known each other
becasue we had only exchanged first names after the dance!
OK, now to my story about that fateful night. I was on a
business trip in Miami and stuck overnight and was looking forward to visiting a mid-week milonga at a very nice venue hosted
by a lovely tangurea that I had made friends with through my netwroking efforts. I had actually visited this milonga a few
times in the past but never had seen or danced with Dianne there. That particular night I showed up for the group lessons,
which was mostly beginners and was glad to help balance the partner ratio. I would consider myself at this point in my training
to be an intermediate tango dancer who has no problem helping and encouraging anyone who wants to learn the tango. It was
a slow summer night and when the milonga started I was in a strange situation, the dancers were all coupled off or not available
and I ended up sitting a lot. I started some dances with the beginners in the class, but because dancers must work to the
level of the lesser experienced, it was not really that enjoyable for me.
Then I saw a couple of single ladies show
up and after seeing them dance, I decided to ask Dianne for a tanda to some of my most favorite tango music. It was the typical
first tanda experience between two people that are not beginners, the first being a sort of "test-drive", the second getting
more comfortable with each other, and then the third really feeling connected. I was on a "tango-high" becasue of it and was
smiling all the way back to her seat. I was really trying to practice what the milonga host had preached earlier in her lesson..."Do
not ever leave your lady partner in the middle of the dance floor after your dance is over.....kindly escort her back to her
seat and then say Thank You".....which is exactly what I did. She sat down next to her friend and I stood next to her while
I scanned the room for my next invitation. It was a small dance floor and the traffic was actually moving towards me, so I
was looking for the proper time to exit. That is when I heard a male voice directly behind me say "Do you mind if I tell you
something about your dancing?"
My initial though was that I was about to be complimented, but at the same moment I
noticed Dianne burst out in laughter with her friend , but I didn't relate it to what he had just said. I then had a gut feeling
after turning and seeing him that it was going to turn into a critique of some sort. In hindsight I should have just said
"No thanks" and just left, but I decided to listen for the mere entertainment value as I had an idea what might be coming
next. Without introducing himself, this guy proceeded to tell me how wrong some of my technique was and before I even had
the chance to comment he grabs Dianne from her seat and uses her to demonstrate. At this point I am feeling really bad for
her, but it is too late. He gives his 5min. lesson and she quietly returns to her seat, obviously embarrased. I then want
to know his name for reference, so I extend my hand and introduce myself and then he gives me his name, which I will keep
private in this blog. I then whispered to him that what he just did was extremely rude and then immediately went to the other
side of the dance floor to where my seat was. I didn't speak to him again that night nor did I speak or dance with Dianne
again. I did however ask the milonga host, a three time tango champion to dance a vals to our favorite "Corozon de Oro" and
it was fantastic, especially after she commented to me on how much I had improved since the last time we had danced together.
I
don't consider myself a great tango dancer (yet) and know that I have my faults just like everybody else does while they are
in the learning process which in tango can actually be an entire lifetime! Raul's essay and this experience were so coincidental
that Dianne was motivated to post her blog right away. Since discovering it, I have even posted it on my tango website for
the public to see and have seen and spoken with Dianne about that particular night. We have even had the pleasure of dancing
together at another Miami milonga and again we had a very enjoyable time. Raul is coming to Miami soon and I am hoping to
visit with him personally if I get the chance.
Unfortunately tango, like just about everthing else, does have its ugly
side and this incident will stick with me but has not casued me any long-term harm.....just a learning experience is all.
I totally agree that this sort of thing needs to be discouraged and maybe even policed at milongas somehow as I have seen
it happen myself at our local venues. Classes and workshops are for teaching and learning, and the milongas are for socializing,
dancing, and to have fun! So for all of you wannabe teachers out there, please hold your comments and advice for the classroom
as it is not welcomed at the milongas!
Tango is very much a Gentlemen's dance and this is just plain good manners and
proper milonga etiquette!
Thank you again for the tanda Dianne, Raul for your great articles, and Clay for your
fabulous website!
Chuck from Florida
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