**HELP WANTED**

For our Tango friends who come to the Milongas without a partner and are anxiously awaiting for someone to ask them for a dance. This has been the age old situation at almost any social dance, and I think it would be safe to say that 99% of the time, that the women outnumber the men.

As someone that has a regular dance partner, I personally would prefer to dance with my partner too, so that we can work on the lessons we just had and see if we can apply what we had learned, along with enjoying an opportunity to dance together in public. However, we still always have the option to practice at home, etc. This is not always the case with our unaccompanied friends, who would enjoy dancing at any chance, but are politely awaiting for an invitation to the dance floor. They are just being ladies.

The proper etiquette that is common in Argentina in regards to Tango dancing is as such; A man will scan the room for a potential female partner and try and make eye contact. If he does then he would then make some kind of minor head, hand, or eye gesture to indicate to her that he would like a dance with her. If she accepts, she might nod her head and then she would then get up and they would approach each other on the dance floor and start dancing together, not just for a single dance, but rather the entire "tanda" or series of 3-4 Tango songs of the same style or from the same orchestra. Then a "cortina" or curtain song would play, which is typically not danced to and only lasts about 30 seconds. This is the social opportunity to say "Thank you" for the dances and exit the floor to rest or to choose another partner. If she would actually decline the initial offer, she would simply avert her eyes and the man, although feeling rejected, would not have the shame of walking back to his original position. Also, if you were to say "Thank you" after just one dance, this would be considered an insult and that you did not want to dance with her anymore.

With that being said.......forget it......we live in "North" America and have totally different customs or lack there of, and I would like to offer some suggestions that might be helpful in assisting our dance starved friends. This is a compilation of personal experiences and articles that I have read about the subject. Most of this really applies to any social dance scene and not necessarily just to Tango.

For the Men;

-Be considerate of the unaccompanied ladies situation and ask for an occasional dance, especially anyone that seems to be sitting way too much! We want them to have a good time also and to come back again and encourage others to take up Tango and join our passion.

-Don't worry about rejection as most women will be happy to dance with you even if you are just a beginner. It is always a pleasure just to see their faces light up when you make the effort, and I don't think I have ever witnessed anyone actually being turned down.......this isn't high school anymore, everyone came to dance!

-Know that your regular partner, unless she is the overly jealous type, would actually encourage you to do this for the benefit of her female dance friends, even though she might not actually tell you this.

-Also be aware that if you do so, you will be well respected by the single ladies in this social environment and they will most likely want to dance with you again and again and say nice things about you.

-Most of us are in the same boat and are not well-seasoned dance experts and we will, and usually do make mistakes during any given dance just as our partners will. Don't worry about it, it is part of the process and this is how we learn. Don't over-apologize, if at all, wait until the end of the song, and by all means never "stop" dancing in the middle of a song to say your sorry and restart.....keep on dancing! Just return to a basic pattern. Most people never see you mess up anyway.

-Know that switching partners is actually very helpful in your training as it teaches you how to lead better with all the different skill levels and body types.

-If you would like to dance with the "regular" partner of someone else, then the proper thing is to ask the permission from her male partner, unless you are already close friends with the both of them. A standard line is "With all do respect sir, may I have this next dance with your lovely lady?", at which point his reply should be like, "Thank you, but I will leave that up to her".

-While dancing please don't offer her advice or coaching unless it is solicited by her, and don't try a do a lesson in the middle of a busy dance floor. Go to a corner or off the floor somewhere to do so.

-As the leader it is your job to keep your partner "safe" while dancing. We have the burden of navigation, so please follow the CCW direction of the Line Of Dance on any given dance floor and don't try big fancy moves with leg kicks on a crowded dance floor as people can get hurt. And if you happen to bump into another couple, always say your sorry, but keep on dancing.

-If you happen to be an accomplished dancer, know that ALL the waiting ladies see this and probably would greatly appreciate the opportunity to follow your leads and choreography. Don't be selfish!

-Be clean, well groomed, and by all means smell good, including the frequent use of breath mints, etc. The ladies especially appreciate this sometimes more than your dancing ability.

-Help out the other guys in the room that are switching partners by "pitching in". They need rest too!

-Take lessons if you don't think your skill level is up to asking others. It definitely worked for me.

-And of course, always be a gentlemen!

-Bonus tip! If you are dancing with a new single partner who you enjoy dancing with and would like to do it again in the future, just say "Please feel free to ask me for a dance anytime". This tells her that you not only enjoyed dancing with her, but that your regular partner should not have a problem with her asking you for a dance, and that she has the freedom to do so, and not to necessarily have to wait for you to ask her again. This works well by dealing with a lot of the social politics at once. OK, now...

For the Ladies;

-Know that this is NOT South America and not high school. You are there to have fun and maybe you need to be a bit more assertive about it, in order to have it!

-We as men, have a major fear of "rejection". We are basically afraid to ask, so if we do, please either accept the dance, even if you might not really want to dance with that person, or say something like; "Thank you, but not right now, I would love to in a little bit, please ask me again soon"..........etc. If you just say "No thanks", we most likely won't ever bother trying again.

-Don't be afraid to ask us. This is OK here in Florida, we are all there for the same reason. I actually feel charged when a lady asks me to dance. It is a compliment and I feel appreciated that they are actually requesting a dance from me, that my ability must be improving.

-The same etiquette rules should apply to this process though, and for the same reasons. You should first ask the regular female partner if she would mind if you could have the opportunity to dance with her man. I think most woman take this as a compliment too and don't have any problem with it.

-By all means, look and be available. If we see you all wrapped up in heavy conversation, we might not want to interrupt you to ask for a dance. And if you are all bunched together, it makes it a bit awkward for us to pick and choose, as we don't want to hurt the others feelings by choosing one over the other. It is also easier if you can sit close to and facing the dance floor.

-Keep in mind that the gentlemen that are mixing it up are actually dancing a lot more than some others and do need more rest, so if we are just sitting by ourselves, that may be the case. A good opportunity to ask us though, and we can reply with "I need a bit of rest right now, but I would like the next dance with you if you are still available". It is up to us though to make sure that happens.

-The same thing applies to you followers, please no coaching or advice during the dance. Sometimes even conversation can throw us off our concentration at leading. This is fine though during group or private lessons as we do need the direct feedback.

-It is pretty much a given, but you should also look and smell nice too. And like yourselves, we also like the compliments and "Thank you's".

-And always remember "It takes two to Tango". You cannot depend on your leader to do all the work on this dance. Learn and know your roles as good followers, good posture and balance, maintaining good connection, footwork, and the elements that apply to being the follower, like the collecting of feet, grapevine sequence, etc.

-Don't be disappointed if you only get a single dance from those of us that are mixing it up, we are just trying to get to as many as possible during a given Milonga along with our regular partners. In this case a "Thank you" is not an insult.

-In the rare event that the men outnumber the women at a Milonga, then you basically have an open door to ask the unaccompanied ones for dances as they are in the same situation and the same etiquette guidelines should apply. And please encourage us as much as possible as it will pay off down the road by us wanting to improve on our dancing abilities.